Category: blog

How to Find Your Core Message and Turn a Simple Story into a Spellbinding Speech!

“I need a life balance coach.” I said in jest (or so I thought) as I introduced myself on a tele-seminar I was delivering to around fifty coaches on  how to craft a keynote speech. A moment later a voice called out  “That’s me! I’m a life balance coach.” Just one voice …out of fifty people who are trained in life balance. Why did she speak up?

I found out.

When the tele-seminar ended Viki (the life balance coach) called and emailed me (She was eager –– that impressed me!) and I asked my helper to contact her and offered her a trade of an hour of me coaching her on her speech, and she, in return, was to help me “balance.”. She was so enthusiastic and who knows… maybe I could learn how to play…. or at least rest.

When On our first coaching call, I observed she did not have her “core message” and seemed to be doing a terrific amount of writing, hoping it would turn up.

It does turn up — in fact, it turns up everywhere, but we are always the last to recognize it! One’s core message is a mystery that seems to elude almost every speaker — no, every speaker I’ve met — and that’s a big group!  Finding core messages is a passion and specialty of mine. Some folks collect butterflies — my interest: core messages.

I have what I call my “magic question” that works every time.

I asked Viki to tell me a story: an important story from her life. She told me what I would call her “Cinderella” story. There isn’t a better story than Cinderella. It’s been around the globe in various versions for thousands of years (said to have originated inChina with foot-binding and ancestor-worship), and if there’s one fairy tale that everyone remembers from childhood, this one is it. Why? We all love the stories that affirm our hopes. And we all remember the personal stories from our experiences that define who we are. In fact, I believe we spend our life answering the question “Who am I?”

So she shared with me how she was in the process of divorce and was just beginning to go out in the world on adventures on her own… and how in her heart she was cherishing a secret wish: to meet Mr. Right… right now!

And there he was! Standing there in the conference center across the room. Handsome. Compelling. And with another woman. It was the single woman’s mantra: “All the good men are taken” as usual. But no… the woman he was conversing with left. He was alone. Viki did not waste time. She approaches. Now they are chatting. She feels even more attracted. The conference ends. He walks her to her car and walks away.

Bad ending!

Nothing to do now.  Viki sits in her car trying to exit the conference area and finds herself locked in traffic, broken-hearted. She peers into her rear view mirror at the car behind her and… she sees her prince charming at the wheel! Yes! She has one more chance!

She puts her car in park, runs to his car, tosses her card through his window, commands him to call her and runs, with her heart thumping, into her car.

And what happens? He married her, of course, and they lived happily ever after (and now have two daughters, a dog, fish, and five box turtles).

Now, I ask Viki my magic question: “What did you learn aboutyourself in that story?” Not “What lesson did you learn?”  Not “What did you learn about life”? No! We remember the stories that define who we are.

She muses a bit and says, “I must do things I have never done before!” Yes!

She explained her process to me.  It becomes her “Five Step Process” to do what’s new! Here’s what she found: Admit your secret desire to yourself. Give yourself permission to have it. Really feel you desire. Now feel your fear (that’s the sign you are adventuring into the zone of the unknown). And finally: Act outrageously! Outrageously: with speed, enthusiasm and boldness. That became her five action steps… and her speech!

She tells me “Wow! That’s my secret! That’s how I came to be on this call with you Lisa! I I’m the one that called out and offered to coach you out of fifty coaches!

Why didn’t anyone else speak up?

Now we have the answer!

Because they didn’t’ know Viki’s “Five Step Process” to do what’s new!

Do you want to find your message?

A speech is a success formula made up of stories, insights and action steps that solves your audiences’ problems so they can realize their dreams. Your core message is the secret ingredient in your stories-the very specific action step you took to the happily ever after.

Our pro-active Cinderella (also known as Viki Andino) found her message and the foundation for her spellbinding speech with one question.

Now, what do you need to do?

Me… I’m waiting for my session with her to find my balance!

I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life (the second half, that is)… I would be a speaker! I had heard a cassette of a motivational speaker and thought “I could do that!”. It was 10 years ago and I had a cardboard box of tapes that had once belonged to my Dad that my brother described as “Dad’s legacy’ when my father passes on. They were dirty and came from boxed sets minus boxes and many cassettes but it was cool stuff. I listened to a metaphysical speaker (previously a English businessman) share ancient Chinese prosperity secrets, a southern grandpa who learned to be successful selling cookware, tips on how to be a multi-millionaire from the 1930’s and then came the best: Les Brown. Why, he was just telling stories! That was easy. I had the sudden realization… I would join the ranks of the speaking superstars!

Hmm… how to get started?

For two years I had facilitated innumerable groups on everything I couldn’t achieve (I took the “teach what you need to learn” approach) for $5 an hour. Titles included: “Heal Your Heartbreak!”, “Empower Yourself for Success!”, “Effortless Weight Loss!”, “How to be Irresistible to the Opposite Sex!” and the like. Now the question was how was I to leap from the Women’s Center’s flowered couches and candles to the Astrodome? After a few days pondering my prospects I concluded I was too old, had too many kids, too many bills… the Old Woman in the Shoe: a motivational speaker? What would I have to say? The more I thought about it the more disheartened I became. Finally, I flopped down on my bed in mid-day in utter despair. I could hear cars whizzing by. Where was everyone going in such a hurry…except me?

The phone rang. What if it was a coaching client? No way I could answer the phone now, but then I thought-who cares? I truly am unfit to coach, so I might as well face facts now and more on to a job more suited to a person in despair (I’d go back to painting and poetry-all the artists I knew were depressed). Second ring. Then I thought what if it was a GREAT OPPORTUNITY? You never know! Anyway, I had nothing to lose.

Third ring. Reconciled to my fate (either way) I decide to answer the phone. I say the peppiest hello I can muster. The woman on the other end asks me if I am Lisa Yakobi. (I want to say “I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I must have changed several times since then”, to quote Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, but refrain). The woman then goes on to ask if I was a… speaker! Totally bewildered, I respond “Yes.” She then asks me if I can present a program for the Department of Women’s Services on surviving divorce (I had taught that one over and over again trying to convince myself it was possible). I agree. She asks my fee. “Fee? Five dollars?” I hesitate contemplating the sound of that sum. She s continues, “I’m so sorry it’s not much, but would $125 be OK?” and then asks if I’d be willing to do a radio interview that would air eleven times! “Yes, that would be fine and, yes, I do have a question. How did you hear about me?” “Oh, I saw you name in the Woman’s Center brochure.”

Amazing!

Now, what to speak about?

My presentation was called “No More Lonely Nights!”. I walked into an imposing hall and faced a sea of silent divorcées glaring at me with an “I dare you to make me smile” look. I understood. I knew what it was like to dream big and start small …and late. I knew what it was like to be well… negative. So that’s what I talked about. I admitted it all. And guess what? So did they! They shared their negative thinking! Then they exorcised their evil ex’s. The room swelled with hope as mousy bespectacled men revealed secret romantic yearnings and little old ladies proclaimed plans to put passion back in their lives! I had them hootingall night and wiping tears of laughter from there eyes!

What happened?

We stopped hiding. We stopped pretending. And we traveled through the worlds of bad, mad and sad to… glad!

And I think I found the secret to being motivational:

Collapse on your bed…and let your dreams take flight!

No… that couldn’t be it.

I have it!

Have a good cry…and try to fly high!

No no no!

Here it is!

Tap into the power of negative thinking…and reach for the stars!

Yes!

How do you achieve success? You plan to fail! When I began my coaching career my fall back plan (the plan that just had to work) if I did not succeed in becoming a coach (or anything else) was to write a three volume tome- something the size of the bible…but considerably longer.

It was to be a chronicle of all my sorrows in the event that they did not turn to joys. (I used to sing that spiritual “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” to keep my spirits up!) And as I went from disappointment to despair I filled the imaginary book with imaginary heart wrenching prose.

How did I get to such a point you ask? Well I had lofty ambitions. I had gone from rich to poor 10 years ago… in the most efficient way possible-divorce! I always thought the story was supposed to go the other way round but I didn’t fret much in the beginning.

I had come of age in the hippie days when everyone over thirty was considered well… an idiot. To us all knowing flower children all adults were absurd (most particularly our parents). What did they know? Running around with brief cases…always in a bad mood. The neighborhood I lived in was affluent (that’s the word we used). My friend’s house had Louise Nevelson reliefs and Matisse prints on the wall. So I assumed that if all of our ridiculous parents could get rich it must be a cinch!

I had only to pick from an array of opportunities and I too would live well in no time. Making money…yes it was going to be kind of a waste of time. I was made for painting, poetry, and spiritual quests. But now I was a single mom and I’d have to work briefly for food clothing and shelter amass some wealth and resume my normal life.

Need I say that making money required a bit more effort than I expected? In fact, I started to wonder if all those adults I grew up with were actually stupid. It seemed making money would take some focus…

When I got my first job (teaching children to make mouse pens and button and bead sculptures) I forgot to ask about the pay until after I accepted it. It turned out that my art teach income did not meet my expenses. So I started a cottage industry with my children producing flower pens (we did it all…with pens!) but when we actually got a big order my kids got bored and refused to do any more “child labor”.

Then I went on to being an executive coach minus executives.

And finally I decided that it would be best if I accepted reality (that I wasn’t made for this world) and plan to simply write about what went wrong.

And so I pursued my coaching business, taking outrageous risks and going from rich to poor at an even more alarming rate, all the while narrating in my head my great literary chronicle of failures.

Yes, it would be magnificent. Sold in a big boxed set and bound in bright red fabric, it’d be in three volumes with their titles written in big letters in shiny gold leaf. It would grab attention. You would walk into Barnes and Noble looking for a business book to make your million (or mortgage payment) and the words FAILURE REJECTION BETRAYAL would jump out at you. You’d say “Wow! that sounds like my life!” and check that no attractive stranger was looking your way. Then you’d pick up the set and pull a massive volume from the box. Each page of the trilogy would read like a suspense thriller with the heroine hanging by her finger tips. You would say “Well if this lady could live through that (and admit it!) maybe I might be able to… (you fill in the blank with your wildest dream) “ and filled with hope and curiosity you’d be inspired to buy my masterwork. I’d then became a JK Rowling (minus disgusting jelly beans and teenage fans) ….and a model for the miserable.

That was my plan.. and it seemed I had enough material and it was time to enact the plan when… just when I was ready to learn to type I achieved some success! Before I could pen the first word things started to go aright!

The morale of the story: plan for the worst! When you have nothing to lose, you’ll sail into the realm of your dreams full speed ahead. And maybe you’ll find your absurd notions might be right… and that following them you end up just where you need to be!