Lisa Yakobi

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How to Do the Ridiculous

I couldn’t wait to start coaching! It was 10 years ago, and after a bewildering two years of trying to figure out how to support myself and my three children, I heard the words “corporate coach,” and I knew that was it! I didn’t know exactly what coaching was and had never been in a corporation (or even worked in an office) but I had made everyone I had come into contact with rich (except me!), and it seemed I would now have an occupation that would allow me to benefit financially from my gift.

It was two years since I had become a single mother to my home schooled children, the oldest being 11, and I had a continual flow of thin envelopes in my mailbox communicating in complex terms that I had late fees, overdraft charges and utility cutoff dates. I was teaching art with my children (I told the school and camp directors they were my “cleanup helpers” and they taught alongside me) and showing my paintings, but having decided I did not want to sell my artwork (I loved my paintings!), I knew I had to find another “revenue stream.”

That was a new word in my vocabulary. I learned it at my first networking event, when some sort of financial professional used that phrase and also “passive income streams.” I imagined gold flowing freely into my house (a good idea!). I apologetically told him I had no idea what he was referring to, but since it did sound promising, I told him to give me a call. Next day the phone rings. “Lisa Yakobi? I’d like to continue our conversation.” I’m interested. After fifteen minutes of him going on in the same vein as before I said I was sorry and told him I still didn’t have the slightest idea what he was talking about (or what he wanted from me), at which point he hung up abruptly. I thought that was rather rude and added “revenue stream” to my vocabulary list of words to investigate…and as something to acquire!

Well, after hearing about corporate coaching, it seemed I found my magic key to riches (which meant at that time paying my array of bills, mortgages and loans). I began by signing up for coach training on the phone (now I did “school at home” too!) and learning from students and teachers all over the world how to “empower” others.

I went about “empowering” everyone I met, at no charge (as was my habit anyway), but now I engaged them in more lengthy conversations about their “challenges.”

I soon discovered that absolutely no one wanted coaching (even at my price: which was zero per hour)! Ten years ago, no one knew what coaching was (or even wanted to know). Unfortunately, I couldn’t describe it. When I said I was a coach, people asked me, “What sport?” I always responded with curiosity, “What sport do you think?” and they all answered, after a pause, “Lacrosse?” I have a vague memory of playing an inane game with sticks in high school, with my very athletically inept schoolmates (sports weren’t cool in the Hippie days). To this day, I have never seen a Lacrosse coach (but if any of you wonder what I look like, that might be a helpful description!).

I had to practice my “coaching skills” and being newly single, my first prospects were any man who asked for my phone number. I gave it out liberally, and when my men called, I kept them on the phone for hours, with my coaching question list in front of me, asking them about their early “passions,” “limiting beliefs” and the like. If they endured this drilling and still wanted a date, I would meet them for coffee and reveal my true intentions (of converting them to coaching clients). Needless to say, I did not convert one “prospect” nor get second dates.

Six months went by in this way, with my adding to my “free coaching for men” several meetings that I organized of the few coaches that lived on Long Island and offering every single coach an opportunity to barter coach with me. I even mentor coached a few with my very limited abilities! One of my coaching barter “mentees” I liked so much I asked her to be my business partner. So far I hadn’t earned a penny through coaching, but neither had she, so we were in business! I had started facilitating classes for $5 an hour at the local Women’s Center where I snuck coaching into their program (we were only supposed to “share” without comment or “judgment”) and invited her to co-lead one of my groups. I even split my pay with her!

She advised her daughter to coach with me…and I had my first real “client!” Wow! I started her at $200 a month for 4 one-hour coaching sessions that took place in my master bedroom! My home schooled kids did what was called unschooling, which resulted in a great deal of noise, mess and running about the house, but my bedroom had a lock on the door and was relatively quiet. My client went from what she believed was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to a new job, a boyfriend, a volley ball league, art classes and a townhouse condo! She now seemed way happier than me! Although that was somewhat disturbing (and a trend that continued), I went on to have a full practice of coaching clients (all female) that coached in my bedroom! By the time I found a man to coach, it was spring and we coached at the picnic table in my backyard. In the summer, after many mosquito-bitten clients, I tamed my children and had clients sitting indoors at my dining room table.

It took many years for me to stop the threatening mailbox flow and become a corporate coach in reality, not just in fantasy. I had always been accused of being on “cloud nine” (where were clouds 1-8…and beyond?). I supposed that meant I lived in a fantasy. Well, it was my fantasy that drove me. It was my fantasy that made me believe people would pay me $200 to coach in my bedroom. And it was my fantasy that brought me my “revenue stream” after all.

How do you do the ridiculous?

Get on cloud nine and keep going!

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I Got Married by Mistake!

By mistake? Oh, well maybe everyone does that.
But mine was a grammatical error.

Let me explain.

It is 1988. I am teaching English 1A to adults pretending to study English. They are actually in my class to obtain and maintain their student visas. The men succeed in not learning better than the women. So, in the interest of justice and fun (and being a former feminist), I don’t discriminate; I give all the men Ds. They consider their grades a joke. And among my underachieving students is my husband to-be. He asks me before, during and after class for the whole semester and succeeds (even without the benefit of eloquent English) not just in achieving a date with me but on winning my hand on our very first date!

Three months later we are on what can only be called a honeymoon by a great stretch of the imagination. We are in his country and all of the inhabitants are his relations. We are waiting for his visa so he can return to the US. We are a week into this experience when his sister in law (the only one among the throng who speaks English) asks me with undisguised wonder how we got married. I proudly relate the romantic story of my husband’s proposal on our first date.

In a surprised voice my sister in law tells me that my husband told her that I proposed to him! Me propose? What an outrage! What could this be about? Why would he make up such an absurd lie? How did I do it? I demand to know. Did I get down on bended knee? I fume: I would never propose to a man! (Feminism – out the window). I insist that I would know if I had proposed! I add I wouldn’t make a mistake about the most important moment of my life! (I’ve turned into my 1950’s Barbie doll). I’m furious!

She translates (where was she on my first date when I needed her?) that he said he would marry me if things worked out!

What! He said “I will marry you if you want” Not would! Nothing about if things worked out.

I explain to my sister in law. “I’ll tell you exactly what he said! He had just told to me that besides having a language gap we had a significant age gap. This seemed like a serious challenge to my mind. I was attempting to convey that to him in simple English by saying, ‘You are so nice. It’s too bad you are eight years younger than me. We could never marry.’ To which he replied, ‘I will marry you if you want.’ And I replied (copying his syntax) ‘I want.’”

Now my husband directly states the facts as he understands them: “You told me that you wanted to marry me, so I said OK.”

Horrible!

I get it! He never learned the conditional tense… the word ‘would’ was taught in the English 1B curriculum.

Thus the deed was done. What now?

What do we do when we realize we have made a mistake of breathtaking proportions?

What I did. I did the absolutely least logical thing possible: I carried on as if nothing had happened!

And hated myself for my mistake.

Five years later. I am at a lecture for married couples who want to improve their relationship. The speaker enters the room wearing a very substantial fur hat; a knee length black coat in a style sported in Poland a century ago and a long untrimmed beard. He is introduced as a Hassidic rabbi who works in the diamond district of Manhattan. He begins his talk by asking the couples in the room to raise our hands if they would marry their spouses again knowing what they know now. Not a hand shoots up. Then slowly, and with glances around, all the hands go up. The message was clear; everyone had gotten married by mistake! (Admittedly not by grammatical error – but really what’s the difference – we all wound up in the same place anyway.)

The rabbi then shares that he does marriage counseling and that he had presented day after day, year after year with couples who are almost exact opposites and absolutely incompatible. What truly amazes him, he says, is that these people ever believed they were compatible and had anything in common!

He then asks us if we know how a diamond is polished. He explains that that a diamond can only be polished by another diamond and that the friction brings out their perfection. He clenches his hands into fists and brings them together and twists his fists against each other.

He tells us “This friction is marriage. The purpose of marriage is the perfection of two people. The friction removes our rough edges and brings out our perfections!”

So marriage is a God-trick!

Wow! All our “negative” relationships are divinely ordained! All those annoying people at work, at cash registers, not to mention our blood relations are positioned to aggravate us on purpose… by God! No use begging Him to fix our enemies. No point in switching jobs or lines to avoid stress. Friction producers will beset us (I mean perfect us) every step of the way. God has a sense of humor!

We cannot avoid “stress”. Stress (or friction) isn’t the consequence of relationships – it’s the purpose! People are literally here to annoy the hell out of you. Actually, the friction is the relationship!

So what can we do to accelerate our growth (besides choosing a mismatch in marriage) to improve our lives? Just follow these four simple steps:

Expect idiocy. Stop being shocked when things go wrong. Quit imagining that you (and others) are reasonable and capable. A little observation of human behavior will convince you that none of us are primarily motivated by reason. If we were rational beings we would let Chihuahuas become extinct, choose Aloe Vera juice and kelp over Crème Brule, forgive our siblings for being born, stop multitasking, never go to war or shopping malls, avoid Mocha Lattes, Coach bags and excesses of all kinds, drink eight glasses of filtered water daily, and we’d all be happy, healthy and wise. Not the case. People are more or less idiots. You too. No need to feel deceived, angry, dismayed, humiliated, or take revenge.
Every time you encounter things that start with an i (ineptitude, incompetence, idiots, injustice, irrationality, interruptions, insults and insects), ask: What can I learn from this irritant? Keep your mind focused on the idea that annoyances are spiritual assets. Cherish the opportunities that noxious people and places afford you to perfect yourself. Choose the path of irritation.Bless your difficult, inept and uncooperative co-workers, partner (or ex), your children, parents, voice mail menus and people everywhere for offering you opportunities to develop patience and compassion (or both!) and accelerating your trip to enlightenment!
Get ready to tumble! It’s human nature to climb mountains. And there is a natural law that says: What goes up must go down. We don’t really want to play a game where we are guaranteed to win. It’s boring. God set up the game of life so we are motivated to play: no guarantees, lots of confusion, and thankfully plenty of folks to inspire us by giving us a little push just when we think we’ve reached solid ground. Skip the blame and shame. When we fail we usually look for someone to blame but if we really investigate our feelings it’s always ourselves we are really upset with. Berating ourselves (or others) never improves performance. Try making someone develop a skill or work faster by yelling at them (I have-hasn’t worked yet).
Share your mistakes… with everyone! Other people find them funny. Better yet – blog your most embarrassing moments – let the world enjoy them! After everyone finds out about how really inept you are it will be easier for you to embrace. If you did something drastic and really messed up your life you might even consider writing an edifying book about it and become a much sought after speaker. If you go to jail or get mixed up with crazy or very rich people someone might think it would amuse the public at large and you could be famous and make millions helping others see how bad your mistake was. Just a thought.

Remember, it’s all right. Ultimately, there are no mistakes. No wrong turns. The climb is steep, we are flawed, idiocy abounds… and that’s just perfect.

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The Secret to Making Money

I learned the hard way. When I first started my coaching practice I thought of lots of really cool ideas for my business…and did them! I picked folks up from the train from Manhattan and took them to the beach to coach! I heated my pool to ninety two degrees and they got 30 minutes alone (naked) in my back yard on my pool float and then a shower and frozen drink with a paper Chinese umbrella in it! Then I had groups of women in my home who got Greek salad and group coaching for $15 for a three hour evening! Wow! I had lots of happy clients!

I had my own coach who questioned me about my ROI. What? ROI? What was that? Return on investment…Oh!

I jokingly explained I had sort of a ‘non-profit’. He said “Lisa, even non-profits make money”. “Well, I had created a non-profitable non-profit!” I retorted.

It wasn’t that funny. I could not afford the cool things I thought up. In fact I was losing money, and I was losing precious time I needed to raise and educate my three homeschooling children.

I had a vision and a better way to serve my clients and I thought I would follow the philosophy “Do what you love and the money will follow” and it would all work out. Need I say, it did not?

I did get one of those ‘learning experiences” we are supposed to take comfort in. What did I learn? “Do what you loveto increase revenue and the money will follow.”

Cool!

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How to Be Irresistibly Attractive… to Everyone!

What’s the one thing you need to know about selling, networking and… dating?

Let’s start with dating. When a man wants a woman to go out with him what does he do? He flatters her (telling her he likes her smile or that she’s the prettiest woman in the room). He asks her a question about herself and listens attentively as she talks about herself, looking into her eyes (he shows he is interested in her). He says something personal and funny and entertains her (the shortest line between two people is a laugh). He tells her something about the good things he has that she might benefit from (he dangles a carrot like his condo on the beach).He tells her a story (he let’s her know a little bit about who he is or what he thinks in a way that’s dramatic). He offers to take her somewhere she wants to go (he picked up on it in the conversation-he was looking for an ‘in’). He asks for her phone number (he’s lettings her know he would enjoy her company in the future). And he calls her …quickly! (He wants her to know he’s excited about her).

In short, he makes her feel very good about herself.

What does a woman do when she wants to move forward? She looks at the man and smiles a lot (affirming she is interested), she laughs a lot (affirming he is witty) she agrees a lot (affirming he is brilliant) she asks questions and listens attentively (affirming he is fascinating) and she listens as he talks about himself. (Signaling she is enjoying his company).

In short, she makes him feel very good about himself.

We call this flirting. Change the words and call it selling or networking.

Here’s the magic secret: Make people feel very good about themselves!

If you make people feel very good about themselves they’ll do business with you (and keep on coming back for more)! Forgotten how to flirt? Here’s how you do it (in business):

Flatter. Let folks know you are impressed. Acknowledge their achievements, talents and strengths. Make them feel important.
Listen deeply. Be a sponge for information. Find out what‘s important to them. Ask: How is the economy affecting your business? And other questions…and listen and learn about how you can be of help.
Laugh. Be genuine. Drop the stuffy stuff. Lighten up. Be warm and personal. Connect. Have some fun with the person you’re with. Have a tag line that short, sweet and amusing.
Keep eye contact. Nothing is worse then being at an event with someone who is looking for their next prospect while talking to you.
Smile. Affirm your interest in them with your body language. Show you are positive and happy (who wants to do business with someone who is down and out?).
Don’t interrupt. Make that person feel every word they are saying is precious pearl of wisdom.
Question. Get them talking about what they feel proud of. Ask: How did you get started in your business? What makes your business different? What do you most enjoy about it?
Promise. Let folks know what wonderful things they can expect from you. Make sure it fulfills their dream or solves their problem. Make an appealing BIG promise that speaks to their need. Don’t “product puke”. Just let them know how you can help.
Tell a story. Don’t be boring! Entertain as you educate. Make the story one that evokes emotion and defines what you do. A good one gets a “WOW!” Touch the heart and reach the mind and that’s what you’ll hear.
Ask permission to call. Define your next step. Make sure you don’t push yourself in where there is no invitation. Don’t lose that card. It’s gold in your pocket.
Make an offer they can’t refuse. Invite them to have a wonderful experience. Offer what your customers long for and they’ll say yes.
Follow up fast. Don’t wait for folks to contact you. Show you’re enthusiastic about helping them.

Deliver on your promises (And don’t stop doing the little things you did in the beginning; keep the flowers chocolate and champagne going!)… and the romance will last!

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Are you sick and tired of the pink poodles in the office?

Do you lay in bed, unable to sleep, thinking about the people at your workplace who seem to get by (very well) either by doing absolutely nothing or (worse yet) by preventing everybody else from getting anything done?

There is a solution. (No, not drugs.) You just need to do a little creative visualization.

Imagine you are a housekeeper in an exquisite and wonderful twenty-one room home. The owner is an eccentric old woman who adores her twenty-one pink poodles, and each one has its own room. The dogs chew the furniture, shed, mess up the bed, beg for attention and treats, romp, bark and generally keep you from getting or keeping any of the rooms clean.

Now, basically the poodles are harmless, though somewhat spoiled. And despite your best efforts, you cannot train or restrain them or get their poodles’ happy owner to give them up or relocate them.

What to do? Should you work around them? Kill them? Quit?

You leave the house in despair and start peeking in the neighbors’ homes, and lo and behold-there are poodles there too! In fact, you discover every room everywhere has a pink poodle! Some are big, some small, some are nasty, some are playful…

You think you are having a hallucination, and you ask your friends; they report poodles. You wander into the office of a therapist. He confirms it’s not you and explains that they cause havoc in everyone’s lives.

What to do?

You go home.

You look in the mirror. Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s a poodle there, and it is you!

All of us are a difficult person for someone else.

If you value getting things done more than you value people, the world will be full of obstructionists.

But If you value the well-being of people first with a little pat on the head…, you will find furry friends everywhere.

We are never going to get things perfect anyway…, so why let the poodles get us down?

More importantly, don’t all the religions in the world teach that our “negative” experiences occur so we can develop patience and compassion (they can’t all be wrong)?

In other words, the poodles have a divine purpose!

Having a hard day?

Think pink poodles!

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Numbers Made My Head Hurt

Once a month my husband got really grouchy. He had BPS (Bill Paying Syndrome). He would sit at the dining room table with bills and envelopes spread all around and call out to me in a voice tinged with suspicion, asking things like “What did you charge on July 16th for 1,475 dollars?” to which I would say “How would I know?” Then I’d get busy at the other end of our apartment, meeting the needs of our children until the bill paying time was finished.

One day, I decided I had enough of this type of hostile interrogation and told him bill paying was his department and never to ask me another question about a bill again. I was homeschooling our three children, math gave me a headache, and I had no time to waste on stuff that didn’t concern me. Money was not my department. Victory! That was the last of his annoying behavior.

Seven years later, he casually mentioned to me that we had a $40,000 credit card debt. What! How could that be? I asked him how that happened and why on earth he never told me! I had never been in debt in my life! Shocking! How could he be so irresponsible? “Well,” he said “you told me not to bother you with the bills…so I didn’t.”

Wow! He was right! I walked away in silence. Hmm, how to get 40K immediately? Work was out. I was a homeschooling mom.

What to do? I thought about it hard for three nights. Then at 2am, I’m excited!

“Wake up!”

“What is it?”

“I know what we need to do about the money, you know, our credit card debt.”

“What?”

“We have to buy a house. We need a mortgage, not a debt.”

“You are completely crazy.”

I will not be dissuaded by his limited thinking. I call my parents. They are shocked, too, and tell me I am irresponsible and they won’t give me a penny for a house or anything else.

Next, I call a real estate broker and start looking at houses. My family tells me that I am insane and they will not participate in my delusions. I can’t believe how much houses cost. I keep looking and find some bargains. My husband and parents must take a peek. That’s their Achilles heel, and now I’ve got them! Now I am enticing them to look at amazing bargains with regularity as I say ”We could put my books here,” and they don’t argue. I drag them around like this for two years. I also learn they can’t resist homes with charm (new word: “home” not “house”).

Then I put my apartment on the market after writing an outrageous blurb. I call my “home” a duplex although one half is in the basement. I had bought my apartment for $60K (borrowed the $4K down payment from parents before they learned I was deranged and that’s all I’d paid). Broker says I will be lucky to get $90K. I ask $250K (this is New York in 1999), and I have a buyer for $235K! I sell!

I buy a home dripping with charm. It even has a fish pond! My parents offer me money as a gift. (Why now that I don’t need it?) I pay off my credit card debt, leave my semi-basement and have… a mortgage!

Why I am telling you this story?

Well, once upon a time, I didn’t think money was my business. I had no intention of stopping brownie baking to look into a check book. Not only that, it seemed to me that there were quite enough people who were good at math, so I figured why not let them take care of all boring stuff they loved – I’d be doing them a favor by not interfering!

I don’t know what would have happened to my happy little family if I didn’t learn a little about our finances and commit to improving them.

None of us can afford to ignore our financial well being. Survival is everyone’s first order of business.

Have a money problem?

Get rid of it! Here’s how:

1. Don’t let it define you. I was never poor – I was a rich person without money. Rich and poor are states of mind. My husband tried to tell me I spent too much. I did not! I explained. I was spending just the right amount for the wife of a rich man. He earned too little. Most of the richest people I know owe more money than I ever had. So you might say owing money is a sign of wealth! Once you have your “magic number” talk about it (when necessary) like it’s no problem. Like “Oh, I just owe a mere million or two.” That will relax you.

2. Identify your “opportunity” (that’s what problems are called in the self-help books you probably have a stack of by now). Discover precisely what you have (or have not). If it’s really atrocious, it will make a good story, an inspiring speech, the foundation of your novel…or a blog! And if you get divorced over it (or are already single), it will frighten off unwanted suitors or gold diggers.

3. Commit yourself to having or doing what you’ve always dreamed of, but were too successful to pursue. As Janis Joplin sings, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”! Now’s your chance! Go for your goal… and give your story a happy ending.

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The Magic Question that Works Every Time

How to Find Your Core Message and Turn a Simple Story into a Spellbinding Speech!

“I need a life balance coach.” I said in jest (or so I thought) as I introduced myself on a tele-seminar I was delivering to around fifty coaches on how to craft a keynote speech. A moment later a voice called out “That’s me! I’m a life balance coach.” Just one voice …out of fifty people who are trained in life balance. Why did she speak up?

I found out.

When the tele-seminar ended Viki (the life balance coach) called and emailed me (She was eager –– that impressed me!) and I asked my helper to contact her and offered her a trade of an hour of me coaching her on her speech, and she, in return, was to help me “balance.”. She was so enthusiastic and who knows… maybe I could learn how to play…. or at least rest.

When On our first coaching call, I observed she did not have her “core message” and seemed to be doing a terrific amount of writing, hoping it would turn up.

It does turn up — in fact, it turns up everywhere, but we are always the last to recognize it! One’s core message is a mystery that seems to elude almost every speaker — no, every speaker I’ve met — and that’s a big group! Finding core messages is a passion and specialty of mine. Some folks collect butterflies — my interest: core messages.

I have what I call my “magic question” that works every time.

I asked Viki to tell me a story: an important story from her life. She told me what I would call her “Cinderella” story. There isn’t a better story than Cinderella. It’s been around the globe in various versions for thousands of years (said to have originated inChina with foot-binding and ancestor-worship), and if there’s one fairy tale that everyone remembers from childhood, this one is it. Why? We all love the stories that affirm our hopes. And we all remember the personal stories from our experiences that define who we are. In fact, I believe we spend our life answering the question “Who am I?”

So she shared with me how she was in the process of divorce and was just beginning to go out in the world on adventures on her own… and how in her heart she was cherishing a secret wish: to meet Mr. Right… right now!

And there he was! Standing there in the conference center across the room. Handsome. Compelling. And with another woman. It was the single woman’s mantra: “All the good men are taken” as usual. But no… the woman he was conversing with left. He was alone. Viki did not waste time. She approaches. Now they are chatting. She feels even more attracted. The conference ends. He walks her to her car and walks away.

Bad ending!

Nothing to do now. Viki sits in her car trying to exit the conference area and finds herself locked in traffic, broken-hearted. She peers into her rear view mirror at the car behind her and… she sees her prince charming at the wheel! Yes! She has one more chance!

She puts her car in park, runs to his car, tosses her card through his window, commands him to call her and runs, with her heart thumping, into her car.

And what happens? He married her, of course, and they lived happily ever after (and now have two daughters, a dog, fish, and five box turtles).

Now, I ask Viki my magic question: “What did you learn aboutyourself in that story?” Not “What lesson did you learn?” Not “What did you learn about life”? No! We remember the stories that define who we are.

She muses a bit and says, “I must do things I have never done before!” Yes!

She explained her process to me. It becomes her “Five Step Process” to do what’s new! Here’s what she found: Admit your secret desire to yourself. Give yourself permission to have it. Really feel you desire. Now feel your fear (that’s the sign you are adventuring into the zone of the unknown). And finally: Act outrageously! Outrageously: with speed, enthusiasm and boldness. That became her five action steps… and her speech!

She tells me “Wow! That’s my secret! That’s how I came to be on this call with you Lisa! I I’m the one that called out and offered to coach you out of fifty coaches!

Why didn’t anyone else speak up?

Now we have the answer!

Because they didn’t’ know Viki’s “Five Step Process” to do what’s new!

Do you want to find your message?

A speech is a success formula made up of stories, insights and action steps that solves your audiences’ problems so they can realize their dreams. Your core message is the secret ingredient in your stories-the very specific action step you took to the happily ever after.

Our pro-active Cinderella (also known as Viki Andino) found her message and the foundation for her spellbinding speech with one question.

Now, what do you need to do?

Me… I’m waiting for my session with her to find my balance!

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How to Get More Customers than You Want

When I was young, I just hated having to do the girl thing. I imagined how I would act if I were a boy. I’d spot a girl, tell her she was beautiful, ask for her phone number, pick her up and kiss her right away. But it was the 60’s and Mom said a girl had to “play hard to get”. I hated the delays involved in this methodology although I practiced it with strict discipline. I found it effective and efficient and left a trail of tormented males wherever I went. When I became acquainted with the law of karma in the 1970’s, it did give me pause, but I was determined to win in the battle of the sexes and deal with universal forces later.

So when I went into business for myself and it dawned on me that getting customers was something I had to do- I was excited! It was something like dating only now I would be the aggressor! I would have my chance to be a male chauvinist pig! (I was a feminist the 80’s. That’s what we called men then…and exactly what I wanted to be now!)

No more waiting by the phone-I’d be in charge. I’d get those phone numbers and do the calling myself.

I was now a trained personal and professional coach. I learned in coaching school to get started by practicing on folks for free. My business plan? Ask everyone out! That meant whenever I left my house I talked to strangers, got their phone numbers and set our date… and they got empowered!

I was indiscriminate. I coached hundreds of people…for free.

Problem was, I was meeting spiritual and creative types in open mics and Starbucks … I mean who is hanging around all day and easy to meet? People that don’t work.

But by now I had my fill of folks that could not pay me (or anyone) so I moved on to… barter!

I provided coaching and in return I received hip hop dance lessons for my daughters and I in our living room, stereo rewiring, two or more massage visits per week, personal training, brown rice pillows to heat in the microwave to relieve pain, minor carpentry, a few apple pies, piano, drum and flute instruction and sewing lessons and facials for my daughters, Wild Mushroom Risotto in my favorite restaurant for me, computer lessons for me (a total failure), I even tried the ocarina (a cute little instrument that comes in animal shapes) but discovered I had no musical talent (a total failure). I got a twelve foot Evergreen for my backyard. One client (a soon to be American Guru) told me he removed my negative karma (now no more worries about all the hearts I broke!). I also had several past life readings (I was Joan of Arc in case you are curious.). I also had five web designs but never a website completed, copy writing, business cards…the list went on.

I was busy! I had a business! Endless clients…but sadly no money at all.

Try paying bills with enriching life experiences, increased zest, a tree and brown rice pillows.

Solution? Try working people!

I became a workshop facilitator, adult education teacher and then speaker on everything I could think of a title for… and my plan worked; gainfully employed people showed up! And yes, they wanted empowering and paid me …money!

What did I learn?

“Don’t be promiscuous”?

Maybe… “Identify your ideal client”?

No, it was “Don’t sell yourself cheap.”

Or… “Play hard to get.”

Wait a minute…didn’t I hear that somewhere before?

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How to be a Speaker with No Speeches

Be careful what you wish for!

When I decided to become a professional speaker my plan was to fly around the country and speak about…I didn’t know…. whatever was on my mind! I told my coach about my new goal and he said “That’s a fairy tale. Lisa, when are you going to get real?” And I thought coaches were supposed to be unconditionally supportive… guess not! In his defense, he didn’t know me very well… First off, I just can’t bear being told I can’t do something. In fact, once I’m told I can’t, I must (think of the implications)! Next fairytales not being true…. he had just challenged my “paradigm” (new biz word) and I wasn’t going for a shift.

And so I flew around the country and spoke about whatever was on my mind. Truth be told, many times at 5am I arose to prepare a speech and found: nothing on my mind… but blind fear! No one booked “Blind Fear” (not a bad title) so I just had to remember what I was thinking… when I could think.

Now you might be wondering how I got booked as a speaker with no speeches?

I had great titles!

In fact when I applied to my first speaker’s bureau I supplied them with 50 titles! Yes 50! I neglected to mention I had no speeches. They asked for my titles. I wouldn’t lie…

So, an unsuspecting organization would read one of my sizzling titles and book me… and I with consummate unprofessionalism would say to myself “What does that title mean?” A popular title was the intriguing “The myth of Procrastination”. Hmmm…what was the myth?

Well, let’s see… when I lived in Italy no one procrastinated (not that anyone did much besides nap and eat). And there was no word for procrastination (that I knew of). Now, that could have been because my Italian was lacking… I pull out my “Visual Diary” paintings from my two years in Florence and do an illustrated presentation with giant blow ups of oil paintings, of me facing the elements in Italy (men, unavailability of laundry mats etc.) and learning how to ride the wave of sloth Italian style (“Sloth Italian Style!” -a potential good title) with a comic book I drew as a “handout” (a speaker “must-have”) to drive my points home (important speaker skill). And thus I taught Corporate America how the Italians get things done (no, not without delay)…but without procrastination!

And so it went. Now, you are asking… so what’s the point?

Well, since I wrote more speeches than I could count (all on in the morning of the day of the speech, none of which I could read later, since they were all hand written, as I had never learned to type) I learned to…write speeches.

My speaking career? One day lying on a plastic bench at 3am in an airport in St. Louis, shivering and hungry, with my pocketbook for a pillow, and an umbrella over my head for privacy, waiting for yet another connecting flight after my last flight didn’t connect, I said “Lisa, When are you going to get real? Why would anyone want to fly around the country and speak about whatever was on their mind?” “STAY HOME AND DO IT!”

And that’s just what I did. I stayed home warm and well fed on the phone in a comfy chair and….helped speakers write their speeches!

I learned to type (and even email). I still get to make up cool titles (for other people). And whenever I pass the airport I raise my fist (think Scarlett O’Hara with the sun blazing above Tara) and with great gusto I say “I’m not flying! I will never be homeless again!”

The lesson here?

Fairy tales do come true….but maybe not exactly as planned!

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The Power of Negative Thinking!

I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life (the second half, that is)… I would be a speaker! I had heard a cassette of a motivational speaker and thought “I could do that!”. It was 10 years ago and I had a cardboard box of tapes that had once belonged to my Dad that my brother described as “Dad’s legacy’ when my father passes on. They were dirty and came from boxed sets minus boxes and many cassettes but it was cool stuff. I listened to a metaphysical speaker (previously a English businessman) share ancient Chinese prosperity secrets, a southern grandpa who learned to be successful selling cookware, tips on how to be a multi-millionaire from the 1930’s and then came the best: Les Brown. Why, he was just telling stories! That was easy. I had the sudden realization… I would join the ranks of the speaking superstars!

Hmm… how to get started?

For two years I had facilitated innumerable groups on everything I couldn’t achieve (I took the “teach what you need to learn” approach) for $5 an hour. Titles included: “Heal Your Heartbreak!”, “Empower Yourself for Success!”, “Effortless Weight Loss!”, “How to be Irresistible to the Opposite Sex!” and the like. Now the question was how was I to leap from the Women’s Center’s flowered couches and candles to the Astrodome? After a few days pondering my prospects I concluded I was too old, had too many kids, too many bills… the Old Woman in the Shoe: a motivational speaker? What would I have to say? The more I thought about it the more disheartened I became. Finally, I flopped down on my bed in mid-day in utter despair. I could hear cars whizzing by. Where was everyone going in such a hurry…except me?

The phone rang. What if it was a coaching client? No way I could answer the phone now, but then I thought-who cares? I truly am unfit to coach, so I might as well face facts now and more on to a job more suited to a person in despair (I’d go back to painting and poetry-all the artists I knew were depressed). Second ring. Then I thought what if it was a GREAT OPPORTUNITY? You never know! Anyway, I had nothing to lose.

Third ring. Reconciled to my fate (either way) I decide to answer the phone. I say the peppiest hello I can muster. The woman on the other end asks me if I am Lisa Yakobi. (I want to say “I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I must have changed several times since then”, to quote Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, but refrain). The woman then goes on to ask if I was a… speaker! Totally bewildered, I respond “Yes.” She then asks me if I can present a program for the Department of Women’s Services on surviving divorce (I had taught that one over and over again trying to convince myself it was possible). I agree. She asks my fee. “Fee? Five dollars?” I hesitate contemplating the sound of that sum. She s continues, “I’m so sorry it’s not much, but would $125 be OK?” and then asks if I’d be willing to do a radio interview that would air eleven times! “Yes, that would be fine and, yes, I do have a question. How did you hear about me?” “Oh, I saw you name in the Woman’s Center brochure.”

Amazing!

Now, what to speak about?

My presentation was called “No More Lonely Nights!”. I walked into an imposing hall and faced a sea of silent divorcées glaring at me with an “I dare you to make me smile” look. I understood. I knew what it was like to dream big and start small …and late. I knew what it was like to be well… negative. So that’s what I talked about. I admitted it all. And guess what? So did they! They shared their negative thinking! Then they exorcised their evil ex’s. The room swelled with hope as mousy bespectacled men revealed secret romantic yearnings and little old ladies proclaimed plans to put passion back in their lives! I had them hootingall night and wiping tears of laughter from there eyes!

What happened?

We stopped hiding. We stopped pretending. And we traveled through the worlds of bad, mad and sad to… glad!

And I think I found the secret to being motivational:

Collapse on your bed…and let your dreams take flight!

No… that couldn’t be it.

I have it!

Have a good cry…and try to fly high!

No no no!

Here it is!

Tap into the power of negative thinking…and reach for the stars!

Yes!

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Plan to fail!

How do you achieve success? You plan to fail! When I began my coaching career my fall back plan (the plan that just had to work) if I did not succeed in becoming a coach (or anything else) was to write a three volume tome- something the size of the bible…but considerably longer.

It was to be a chronicle of all my sorrows in the event that they did not turn to joys. (I used to sing that spiritual “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” to keep my spirits up!) And as I went from disappointment to despair I filled the imaginary book with imaginary heart wrenching prose.

How did I get to such a point you ask? Well I had lofty ambitions. I had gone from rich to poor 10 years ago… in the most efficient way possible-divorce! I always thought the story was supposed to go the other way round but I didn’t fret much in the beginning.

I had come of age in the hippie days when everyone over thirty was considered well… an idiot. To us all knowing flower children all adults were absurd (most particularly our parents). What did they know? Running around with brief cases…always in a bad mood. The neighborhood I lived in was affluent (that’s the word we used). My friend’s house had Louise Nevelson reliefs and Matisse prints on the wall. So I assumed that if all of our ridiculous parents could get rich it must be a cinch!

I had only to pick from an array of opportunities and I too would live well in no time. Making money…yes it was going to be kind of a waste of time. I was made for painting, poetry, and spiritual quests. But now I was a single mom and I’d have to work briefly for food clothing and shelter amass some wealth and resume my normal life.

Need I say that making money required a bit more effort than I expected? In fact, I started to wonder if all those adults I grew up with were actually stupid. It seemed making money would take some focus…

When I got my first job (teaching children to make mouse pens and button and bead sculptures) I forgot to ask about the pay until after I accepted it. It turned out that my art teach income did not meet my expenses. So I started a cottage industry with my children producing flower pens (we did it all…with pens!) but when we actually got a big order my kids got bored and refused to do any more “child labor”.

Then I went on to being an executive coach minus executives.

And finally I decided that it would be best if I accepted reality (that I wasn’t made for this world) and plan to simply write about what went wrong.

And so I pursued my coaching business, taking outrageous risks and going from rich to poor at an even more alarming rate, all the while narrating in my head my great literary chronicle of failures.

Yes, it would be magnificent. Sold in a big boxed set and bound in bright red fabric, it’d be in three volumes with their titles written in big letters in shiny gold leaf. It would grab attention. You would walk into Barnes and Noble looking for a business book to make your million (or mortgage payment) and the words FAILURE REJECTION BETRAYAL would jump out at you. You’d say “Wow! that sounds like my life!” and check that no attractive stranger was looking your way. Then you’d pick up the set and pull a massive volume from the box. Each page of the trilogy would read like a suspense thriller with the heroine hanging by her finger tips. You would say “Well if this lady could live through that (and admit it!) maybe I might be able to… (you fill in the blank with your wildest dream) “ and filled with hope and curiosity you’d be inspired to buy my masterwork. I’d then became a JK Rowling (minus disgusting jelly beans and teenage fans) ….and a model for the miserable.

That was my plan.. and it seemed I had enough material and it was time to enact the plan when… just when I was ready to learn to type I achieved some success! Before I could pen the first word things started to go aright!

The morale of the story: plan for the worst! When you have nothing to lose, you’ll sail into the realm of your dreams full speed ahead. And maybe you’ll find your absurd notions might be right… and that following them you end up just where you need to be!

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