Category: coaching

What’s the one thing you need to know about selling, networking and… dating?

Let’s start with dating. When a man wants a woman to go out with him what does he do? He flatters her (telling her he likes her smile or that she’s the prettiest woman in the room). He asks her a question about herself and listens attentively as she talks about herself, looking into her eyes (he shows he is interested in her). He says something personal and funny and entertains her (the shortest line between two people is a laugh). He tells her something about the good things he has that she might benefit from (he dangles a carrot like his condo on the beach).He tells her a story (he let’s her know a little bit about who he is or what he thinks in a way that’s dramatic). He offers to take her somewhere she wants to go (he picked up on it in the conversation-he was looking for an ‘in’). He asks for her phone number (he’s lettings her know he would enjoy her company in the future). And he calls her …quickly! (He wants her to know he’s excited about her).

In short, he makes her feel very good about herself.

What does a woman do when she wants to move forward? She looks at the man and smiles a lot (affirming she is interested), she laughs a lot (affirming he is witty) she agrees a lot (affirming he is brilliant) she asks questions and listens attentively (affirming he is fascinating) and she listens as he talks about himself. (Signaling she is enjoying his company).

In short, she makes him feel very good about himself.

We call this flirting. Change the words and call it selling or networking.

Here’s the magic secret: Make people feel very good about themselves!

If you make people feel very good about themselves they’ll do business with you (and keep on coming back for more)! Forgotten how to flirt? Here’s how you do it (in business):

1. Flatter. Let folks know you are impressed. Acknowledge their achievements, talents and strengths. Make them feel important.
2. Listen deeply. Be a sponge for information. Find out what‘s important to them. Ask: How is the economy affecting your business?  And other questions…and listen and learn about how you can be of help.
3. Laugh. Be genuine. Drop the stuffy stuff. Lighten up. Be warm and personal. Connect. Have some fun with the person you’re with. Have a tag line that short, sweet and amusing.
4. Keep eye contact. Nothing is worse then being at an event with someone who is looking for their next prospect while talking to you.
5. Smile. Affirm your interest in them with your body language. Show you are positive and happy (who wants to do business with someone who is down and out?).
6. Don’t interrupt. Make that person feel every word they are saying is precious pearl of wisdom.
7. Question. Get them talking about what they feel proud of. Ask: How did you get started in your business? What makes your business different?  What do you most enjoy about it?
8. Promise. Let folks know what wonderful things they can expect from you. Make sure it fulfills their dream or solves their problem. Make an appealing BIG promise that speaks to their need. Don’t “product puke”. Just let them know how you can help.
9. Tell a story. Don’t be boring! Entertain as you educate. Make the story one that evokes emotion and defines what you do.  A good one gets a “WOW!” Touch the heart and reach the mind and that’s what you’ll hear.
10. Ask permission to call. Define your next step. Make sure you don’t push yourself in where there is no invitation. Don’t lose that card. It’s gold in your pocket.
11. Make an offer they can’t refuse. Invite them to have a wonderful experience. Offer what your customers long for and they’ll say yes.
12. Follow up fast. Don’t wait for folks to contact you. Show you’re enthusiastic about helping them.

Deliver on your promises (And don’t stop doing the little things you did in the beginning; keep the flowers chocolate and champagne going!)… and the romance will last!

Do you lay in bed, unable to sleep, thinking about the people at your workplace who seem to get by (very well) either by doing absolutely nothing or (worse yet) by preventing everybody else from getting anything done?

There is a solution. (No, not drugs.) You just need to do a little creative visualization.

Imagine you are a housekeeper in an exquisite and wonderful twenty-one room home. The owner is an eccentric old woman who adores her twenty-one pink poodles, and each one has its own room. The dogs chew the furniture, shed, mess up the bed, beg for attention and treats, romp, bark and generally keep you from getting or keeping any of the rooms clean.

Now, basically the poodles are harmless, though somewhat spoiled. And despite your best efforts, you cannot train or restrain them or get their poodles’ happy owner to give them up or relocate them.

What to do? Should you work around them? Kill them? Quit?

You leave the house in despair and start peeking in the neighbors’ homes, and lo and behold-there are poodles there too!  In fact, you discover every room everywhere has a pink poodle! Some are big, some small, some are nasty, some are playful…

You think you are having a hallucination, and you ask your friends; they report poodles. You wander into the office of a therapist. He confirms it’s not you and explains that they cause havoc in everyone’s lives.

What to do?

You go home.

You look in the mirror. Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s a poodle there, and it is you!

All of us are a difficult person for someone else.

If you value getting things done more than you value people, the world will be full of obstructionists.

But If you value the well-being of people first with a little pat on the head…, you will find furry friends everywhere.

We are never going to get things perfect anyway…, so why let the poodles get us down?

More importantly, don’t all the religions in the world teach that our “negative” experiences occur so we can develop patience and compassion (they can’t all be wrong)?

In other words, the poodles have a divine purpose!

Having a hard day?

Think pink poodles!

How to Find Your Core Message and Turn a Simple Story into a Spellbinding Speech!

“I need a life balance coach.” I said in jest (or so I thought) as I introduced myself on a tele-seminar I was delivering to around fifty coaches on  how to craft a keynote speech. A moment later a voice called out  “That’s me! I’m a life balance coach.” Just one voice …out of fifty people who are trained in life balance. Why did she speak up?

I found out.

When the tele-seminar ended Viki (the life balance coach) called and emailed me (She was eager –– that impressed me!) and I asked my helper to contact her and offered her a trade of an hour of me coaching her on her speech, and she, in return, was to help me “balance.”. She was so enthusiastic and who knows… maybe I could learn how to play…. or at least rest.

When On our first coaching call, I observed she did not have her “core message” and seemed to be doing a terrific amount of writing, hoping it would turn up.

It does turn up — in fact, it turns up everywhere, but we are always the last to recognize it! One’s core message is a mystery that seems to elude almost every speaker — no, every speaker I’ve met — and that’s a big group!  Finding core messages is a passion and specialty of mine. Some folks collect butterflies — my interest: core messages.

I have what I call my “magic question” that works every time.

I asked Viki to tell me a story: an important story from her life. She told me what I would call her “Cinderella” story. There isn’t a better story than Cinderella. It’s been around the globe in various versions for thousands of years (said to have originated inChina with foot-binding and ancestor-worship), and if there’s one fairy tale that everyone remembers from childhood, this one is it. Why? We all love the stories that affirm our hopes. And we all remember the personal stories from our experiences that define who we are. In fact, I believe we spend our life answering the question “Who am I?”

So she shared with me how she was in the process of divorce and was just beginning to go out in the world on adventures on her own… and how in her heart she was cherishing a secret wish: to meet Mr. Right… right now!

And there he was! Standing there in the conference center across the room. Handsome. Compelling. And with another woman. It was the single woman’s mantra: “All the good men are taken” as usual. But no… the woman he was conversing with left. He was alone. Viki did not waste time. She approaches. Now they are chatting. She feels even more attracted. The conference ends. He walks her to her car and walks away.

Bad ending!

Nothing to do now.  Viki sits in her car trying to exit the conference area and finds herself locked in traffic, broken-hearted. She peers into her rear view mirror at the car behind her and… she sees her prince charming at the wheel! Yes! She has one more chance!

She puts her car in park, runs to his car, tosses her card through his window, commands him to call her and runs, with her heart thumping, into her car.

And what happens? He married her, of course, and they lived happily ever after (and now have two daughters, a dog, fish, and five box turtles).

Now, I ask Viki my magic question: “What did you learn aboutyourself in that story?” Not “What lesson did you learn?”  Not “What did you learn about life”? No! We remember the stories that define who we are.

She muses a bit and says, “I must do things I have never done before!” Yes!

She explained her process to me.  It becomes her “Five Step Process” to do what’s new! Here’s what she found: Admit your secret desire to yourself. Give yourself permission to have it. Really feel you desire. Now feel your fear (that’s the sign you are adventuring into the zone of the unknown). And finally: Act outrageously! Outrageously: with speed, enthusiasm and boldness. That became her five action steps… and her speech!

She tells me “Wow! That’s my secret! That’s how I came to be on this call with you Lisa! I I’m the one that called out and offered to coach you out of fifty coaches!

Why didn’t anyone else speak up?

Now we have the answer!

Because they didn’t’ know Viki’s “Five Step Process” to do what’s new!

Do you want to find your message?

A speech is a success formula made up of stories, insights and action steps that solves your audiences’ problems so they can realize their dreams. Your core message is the secret ingredient in your stories-the very specific action step you took to the happily ever after.

Our pro-active Cinderella (also known as Viki Andino) found her message and the foundation for her spellbinding speech with one question.

Now, what do you need to do?

Me… I’m waiting for my session with her to find my balance!